Trauma-Informed Relationship & Sex Coach

sarah olivia

My work with couples and with women is informed not only by my extensive training and experience, but by my own journey from numbness and conflict to pleasure and love. 

My journey, like most multi-faceted women’s, has been far from linear. 

My overriding memory of childhood, adolescence and young adulthood is longing. Longing to be seen, longing to feel fully safe, longing to be enough, longing to be loved, longing to connect. 

And I'm not at all unusual in that. I know my story might be yours as well. 

My core emotional needs weren't met as a child, as they weren't for many in my generation where productivity and achievement were paramount and superseded emotional attunement.

As I grew into the awareness of my sexuality, I was taught that pleasure is only to be shared with another person, never just for ourselves.

Outside of the early lust-filled stages of a relationship, I didn’t know how to tend the unique garden of my own desire. Without that knowledge, for a long time I assumed I was broken and that I would always be missing the higher levels of joy and connection that pleasure and sex can bring.

Before I became a coach and healing guide, I was a confused girl and, later, young woman who held a deep belief that she was unlovable and that her desire for pleasure was shameful.

i met my husband 10 years ago and thought everything would be better

The thing that kept us afloat was without a doubt that we continued to choose each other and that we were both committed to working on our relationship. 
We had to unpick many threads that made up our inner tapestries as individuals, as well as the shared tapestry we'd been weaving together as partners. 

Gradually, I completely rewired my emotional safety. I reclaimed my sexuality - something that I had just never learned to nurture and was becoming more and more shutdown. And over time, we have integrated more conscious relating practices into our partnership, building a more and more intentional connection.

And for a while it was. In the early stages of relationships, we project all our unmet needs and desires onto our partners and see them as the balm to soothe all our wounds and tender parts. But after a while, the projection fades, old wounds reactivate and conflict and struggle in relationships can set in. This is what we experienced, and it was so distressing to feel like we were being pulled into a downward spiral of heaviness. We found ourselves walking on eggshells. Intimacy was rare and difficult. There were moments one or both of us didn't know if the relationship would survive. 

It was heartbreaking to love each other deeply and to want our relationship to work but not to seem to be able to break out of the cycle of negativity.

Through my own lived experience and through the experience of so many clients, friends and loved ones, I have learned this to be true: Our romantic relationship can be the greatest source of support, joy and nourishment in our lives, or it can be the heaviest weight of stress and disappointment.

What I also know to be true is that almost anything in a partnership can be worked through and there is also so much we can do as individuals to improve our existing relationships or to create thriving new relationships. I'd be honoured to guide you on your journey to more love and expanded pleasure.

We unlearned a mutual trauma response of urgency and hyper vigilance, giving us more spaciousness and safety.

We unlearned the notion that we should put any pressure on each other's achievements and success and learned to celebrate and fully accept each other instead.

we unlearned the male-centric desire and sex narrative that leads us to hold up penetration and orgasm as the ultimate goal. We learned to centre pleasure and presence instead.

we’ve unlearned a lot

we have created a devotional partnership where we know how to keep falling in love over the course of a lifetime.

I healed my relationship to the feminine and with pleasure to regain access to the deepest creative force, intuition and power available to me and all women. This invited my husband into a more healthy masculine expression.

We have created more unconditional love, safety, belonging and acceptance so that we can thrive as individuals and as a couple.

We have given space to our inner children and learned to take care of them ourselves so we can show up as our centred adult selves for each other.

we've been through a journey of healing 

I am highly trained in trauma informed somatic coaching, relationship transformation, tantric sexuality, women’s hormonal health and breathwork healing. I have build my skills and modality toolkit to facilitate as safe and impactful an experience as possible for my clients. I live and breathe this work in my daily practice and in my own devotional partnership.

Returning home to our hearts and bodies...

Walking alongside you and holding space for you on this journey is my soul’s mission and purpose. 

Returning home to deep acceptance of ourselves and our partners, to pure love and a capacity for so much more joy and pleasure on every level is, I believe, one of the most transformative and life-altering journeys we can embark on. 

VITA Sex, Love and Relationship Coach

 300 Hour Breathwork and Vinyasa Yoga Training - The Vinyasa People

200 Hour Tantra Hatha Yoga Training - Zuna Yoga

Hormonal Health Coach - Institute Integrative Nutrition

Holistic Health Coach - Institute Integrative Nutrition

Natural foods chef - Natural Gourmet Institute, New York

my qualifications

I have coached, taught and facilitated for hundreds of clients and I know how to powerfully hold space for you as you learn to heal yourself. 

I never put myself on a pedestal over my clients. You are the expert on you and you will have the deciding word at every step of your journey (don’t worry, that doesn’t mean it will feel like work). I support my clients with a steady, calm and loving presence and I have years of training and experience to inform our work together. 

The style I work in allows for my clients to express themselves fully and openly with zero fear of judgement.

I am thoroughly committed to continuously learning and evolving in my own journey, in how I work and what I offer.

Why work with me?